I'm Sorry....
What does that mean? I mean really... we say it all the time. We say it to our kids when they tell us about their headache, "Gosh, I am sorry...take an asprin, lay down." We say it to the lady at the supermarket "Ooops, didn't see you there, I am sorry." I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. So much so that the word itself has lost it's intensity.
Sometimes we say it for alternative reasons. Sometimes we say we are sorry simply because we want to put it aside and get on with things. Sometimes we say we are sorry because we are... except we are sorry for getting caught but not for the actual transgression. The word catches our offendee off guard and we slide passed that into forgiveness. Forgiveness we certainly do not deserve.
What happens when you really hurt someone? When you rattle their souls, make them white hot behind their eyes. When you realize you have touched them in a way that you never meant to, never planned to, never want to do again... what then? I'm sorry? It just doesn't sound like enough. It sounds trite. Contrived even. As if you have been rehearsing for the time you need to have it handy. We have made it too easy of a word to use to fill in the awkward moments. We need something more. Something that when spoken it fills in the hole we have dug inside the heart of someone. But do we have one?
Dictionary.com/Thesauras
http://thesaurus.reference.com/search?q=sorry
look at the first example:
apologetic, attritional, compunctious, conscience-stricken, contrite, guilt-ridden, melted, penitent, penitential, regretful, repentant, self-accusing, self-condemnatory, self-reproachful, shamefaced, softened, touched...
doesn't it strike you that "sorry" is so very much a "self related" feeling? Yes, most of us arrive here because the other person is hurting but it sure does seem alot like we are still putting our feelings about needing to be loved and forgiven over the person who we have actually damaged.
So how do we tell them that we understand we were responsible for a public humiliation? How do we tell them that we are embarrassed that we took them, this person we hold in such high regard, love, cherish and set them out on display for the world to have a shot? How do you ever pull them back safely? Why would they ever allow us to?
And what if they make it even harder by continuing to love us even after we have inflicted this? How will we ever be brave enough to look at them in the eye again knowing that even though we own the broken heart that beats in their chest, they still value us? That our horrible deed did not lose our place inside their heart? There has got to be a word for this overwhelming appreciation.
Words can be the enemy. They are fraught with limitations. With suppositions. And so I have come full circle. I have no "right" word. I struggle with the need to show my shame over misdeeds. How will I ever make you understand? I fall back to the old standby, "I am so very sorry". And in the minutes afterward, after releasing that throw rug of a word, I pray that you hear something deeper, more meaningful.
Sometimes we say it for alternative reasons. Sometimes we say we are sorry simply because we want to put it aside and get on with things. Sometimes we say we are sorry because we are... except we are sorry for getting caught but not for the actual transgression. The word catches our offendee off guard and we slide passed that into forgiveness. Forgiveness we certainly do not deserve.
What happens when you really hurt someone? When you rattle their souls, make them white hot behind their eyes. When you realize you have touched them in a way that you never meant to, never planned to, never want to do again... what then? I'm sorry? It just doesn't sound like enough. It sounds trite. Contrived even. As if you have been rehearsing for the time you need to have it handy. We have made it too easy of a word to use to fill in the awkward moments. We need something more. Something that when spoken it fills in the hole we have dug inside the heart of someone. But do we have one?
Dictionary.com/Thesauras
http://thesaurus.reference.com/search?q=sorry
look at the first example:
apologetic, attritional, compunctious, conscience-stricken, contrite, guilt-ridden, melted, penitent, penitential, regretful, repentant, self-accusing, self-condemnatory, self-reproachful, shamefaced, softened, touched...
doesn't it strike you that "sorry" is so very much a "self related" feeling? Yes, most of us arrive here because the other person is hurting but it sure does seem alot like we are still putting our feelings about needing to be loved and forgiven over the person who we have actually damaged.
So how do we tell them that we understand we were responsible for a public humiliation? How do we tell them that we are embarrassed that we took them, this person we hold in such high regard, love, cherish and set them out on display for the world to have a shot? How do you ever pull them back safely? Why would they ever allow us to?
And what if they make it even harder by continuing to love us even after we have inflicted this? How will we ever be brave enough to look at them in the eye again knowing that even though we own the broken heart that beats in their chest, they still value us? That our horrible deed did not lose our place inside their heart? There has got to be a word for this overwhelming appreciation.
Words can be the enemy. They are fraught with limitations. With suppositions. And so I have come full circle. I have no "right" word. I struggle with the need to show my shame over misdeeds. How will I ever make you understand? I fall back to the old standby, "I am so very sorry". And in the minutes afterward, after releasing that throw rug of a word, I pray that you hear something deeper, more meaningful.
posted by nina michelle at 9:48 PM
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